I discovered one sure way for weary moms to grab a nap

"Nap time," Brian declared, one day after lunch. "Anybody who wakes up your mother has to deal with me, got it?"

I could hardly believe my luck. I was getting a nap. The baby had kept me up much of the night. Seems she wanted to chat a bit, and she was a little off on her timing. She was sweet as could be right up until I turned the light back off. Then the wailing began. I could hold her with the light on or listen to her cry with it off. Either way, I was awake.

The next day, I told the family I just needed to crash for a few minutes. To a child, nothing says "come talk to me" like a mom headed for a nap. Brian explained to the younger girls that I would be off-limits for a while and he would take care of all their needs.

They considered this with apprehension. As I closed the door, I heard a list of "what ifs" ending with: "But, Daddy, what if I bonk my head?" Apparently, I am the only one who can cure the pain of head bonking.

Everyone survived, and in a little while, I came out, ready to spend time with the kids.

This time of year, many families get to experience the togetherness that homeschoolers get year 'round. It can be a little overwhelming to be with the kids all day, and sometimes moms need a little break. Getting a nap isn't always practical, so sometimes I have to be creative. This past week, I found another way to score some time alone: I learned how to render lard.

The process is simple. First you need some good pork fat. When we had our pigs butchered, we asked the butcher to save all the fat for us and I stuck it in the freezer. So this past week, I grabbed a bag of frozen pork fat and thawed it in a bowl on the counter.

Rendering is simple as can be. Once the pork fat was thawed out, I popped it into the Crock Pot and turned it on low. Normally, I do try to include the kids when I am learning something new. This time, there were no volunteers — perhaps because there is an odor involved. "Stench" might be a better word for it.

After I got started, I rechecked the instructions to make sure I was doing things correctly. I noted that some people render lard outside because of the odor. Oh. I guess I forgot to read that part.

After the pork fat simmered a while, part of it liquefied. The solid parts stayed afloat and I skimmed them out. A friend came over, took a bite of the crispy part and informed me I had made chicharrones. There I was, being all multicultural without even trying.

With the house quiet for so long, I started to worry. I went outside and found everyone hiding from the smell in the kitchen. No more darting in for a piece of ice or a drink of water. No more coming in to tattle on a younger sibling. "It stinks in there," my daughter informed me, holding her nose and running away.

Next time I want a nap, I know the perfect way to ensure some solitude. I'll just grab the Crock Pot and a fresh bag of pork fat and start rendering. Just thinking about it makes me sleepy.

Rose Godfrey is a speech pathologist and homeschooling mom in Hallwood. Her homeschool blog can be found on the Appeal-Democrat Web site at www.appealdemocrat.com.