'Twilight' series the drug of choice for women, Hot Topic crowd

There are many properties the entertainment industry produces that are so awful, you wonder if the movie/TV show/whatever is some cruel joke on the public.

The "Twilight" franchise is one of those things.

There's bad ... and then there's "Twilight" bad.

"Contrived" and "forced" is a good way of describing the franchise, because its self-serious tone becomes laughable when you consider just how low quality its components are.

Stephenie Myers' books that built the foundation of the franchise are really nothing special. Quality-wise, they're just slightly above fan fiction posted on the Internet.

Writers always create characters who are obviously a proxy for him or herself, but Myers didn't try very hard at concealing that Bella Swan is her proxy.

The "Twilight" movie adaptation had a low budget by modern moviemaking standards, and it shows.

The movie had the chance to polish the source material a bit, but instead it did a straight adaptation of the book and coasted on the vacuous personalities of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

So, the movie ended up being 90 minutes of stilted acting followed by a really poorly choreographed fight scene.

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon," out Friday, looks like Summit Entertainment — the studio behind the films — spent a little more money, but the werewolf visual effects are embarrassing even by 1993 standards.

As long as the brand is making money — and "New Moon" certainly will — the quality will never rise.

Then there's the fans — or "Twi-hards," as they've come to be known. "Crazy" is a good way of describing them, because to hear them discuss anything related to the franchise is kind of scary.

And they'll go after you if you say something bad about their beloved franchise. That's why I'll be a little disappointed if none of them attack me for this column. (My email address is jkendrix@appealdemocrat.com and my direct line is 749-4706. Do your worst, Twi-hards.)

But in the franchise's defense: "Twilight" is for not for guys, and since I am one, I won't be drinking the "Twilight" Kool-Aid very soon. In fact, I never will.

That means I'm looking forward to 2011, when the last "Twilight" movie — "Breaking Dawn" — hits theaters and bored housewives and the Hot Topic crowd will have to find a new drug to abuse.