DEAR ABBY: I am a gay woman. My male best friend has had a crush on me for more than a year. It is so intense that he is almost delusional. We have talked extensively about it. He knows where I stand and that it will never happen, and he says he accepts that. But he can’t stand the thought of me spending time with a woman, even if it’s just a friend. He wants all of my time and doesn’t want to share me, even with mutual friends.
Here’s the kicker: I had invited him to move back to my college town with me. We both thought that moving to a big city would open up more dating opportunities for us and help him get over me. It was an ordeal for him, but he put in a ton of work to be able to move. We planned to be housemates. This happened during a time when we thought he was feeling more resolved about our relationship.
We have been staying with my relative while we search for a house in the big city, so we are trapped in the same space, and he has nowhere else to go. Since moving in together, his feelings for me have resurged. I no longer want to be roommates because of his possessiveness. But it would devastate him if I left him alone here, especially since it was my idea to go, and I was meant to be his support system. I feel like I am trapped in his drama and cannot live my life without ruining his. Please help! – TRAPPED LESBIAN IN THE WEST
DEAR TRAPPED: Do not rent an apartment with him or buy a house! To do so would be an expensive mistake. You cannot fulfill his needs. If you allow this to continue, he will destroy every opportunity that comes your way because it will be a threat to his fantasy.
He needs to find other living arrangements NOW, and you and your relative should insist upon it. This is not going to have a fairy-tale ending, and you probably will not remain friends as you move along with your life. But move along is what you must do, for both your sakes.