DEAR ABBY: My mother has always had a horrible habit of making plans and canceling at the last minute. When I make plans with her, she invariably cancels the day of. Lately she has started making me feel guilty for not coming around more. 

I lost my license two years ago, so I can’t drive, and I work full time. She has no job and several vehicles. I’m not saying she doesn’t have things going on, but I can’t help but feel she’s just going through the motions and making it seem like she cares. 

My younger brother had a baby girl last year, and Mom constantly has her or is trying to get her. To top it off, my brother lives in the same town I do. It makes me feel invisible. 

I know when parents say they don’t have a favorite child, they are lying through their teeth, but this is blatant. I’m in my 30s and shouldn’t still be feeling like this. Please help. I feel like my parents would be better off with one less child to make fake plans with. – INVISIBLE IN OHIO

DEAR INVISIBLE: Whether your brother is the favored child, I can’t opine. However, it makes no sense that your mother would guilt you for not seeing her more often and then stand you up when you try. 

Because you feel slighted, TELL HER how hurtful it is. If the situation doesn’t improve, plan fewer visits with her and concentrate on spending your time with people who do make you feel appreciated and loved. 

 

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

 

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