DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old married man. I share a house with my wife and daughter. After dinner last month, my wife and I had a big fight. I can’t believe the things we said. In 30 years, it has never gone that far. 

I left the house and went to a bar. A slightly older man sat down next to me, and we talked for a long time, about the Beatles, hockey, science, evolution and the universe. Conversation just flowed.

I decided to tell him about the fight with my wife. He told me he lived in the building and had a vintage vinyl collection. If I wanted, we could go up and listen to some records. I said yes. We had a few drinks, listened to some great music and talked some more. He was so smart and so cool. 

Then I caught myself looking at him with more than just admiration for his intellect, if you know what I mean. It scared me. I didn’t know what to do, so I apologized and excused myself, hastily and rudely, I’m sure. 

I don’t know if he had any intentions other than listening to old records. He didn’t say, and I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. But I remember that feeling. All day long I remember it.

My wife and I have made up. We both regret the fight. But, Abby, I think about him every day. I’ve considered going back and knocking on his door, but I can’t. I never imagined I’d feel this way at my age. What can I do?.– TWISTED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TWISTED UP: I’ll be frank. Sexuality is not necessarily black and white; there are shades of gray. You met this person at a time when you were emotionally vulnerable. The best thing you can do for your marriage would be to talk about this with a licensed mental health professional. The most destructive thing you could do for your marriage would be to knock on that person’s door at this time.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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