DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for a year. Recently, I have been questioning my sexuality and have realized that I am gay. I have been trying to think of different ways of telling her, but I don't want to hurt her. Please help. –COMING OUT IN OHIO

DEAR COMING OUT: You are right: You must tell your wife, and the sooner, the better. She may – or may not – be shocked and possibly angry. During the talk, make clear that this has nothing to do with her, her attractiveness or femininity. Afterward, suggest she contact the Straight Spouse Network for support if she feels the need. It's an organization founded many years ago by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., to support heterosexual spouses of LGBTQ mates. Your wife can find it online at straightspouse.org, and I highly recommend it. 

 

DEAR ABBY: My son has been married three times. After each divorce, he has expected me to distance myself from the ex's children. I have been Grandma to them, and this is driving us apart. My son says it's them or him! I'm heartbroken and want to maintain a relationship with both. Help!– FOREVER GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: That your son would deny his stepchildren contact with a loving grandmother because he's angry with their mother is terrible. You may wish to maintain a relationship with them, but because of your son's current mindset, it may not be possible. 

Since you asked me to weigh in, my advice is to stop sitting on the fence. Maintain a relationship with them regardless of their "step" status. They need you. They need the validation that they are loved, which you can provide. As to your inflexible son, I can see why he has such terrible luck with women. It appears he still has a lot of growing up to do.

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