DEAR ABBY: I spent the past 11 years in an emotionally and physically abusive on-again, off-again relationship. I finally got out and am very proud of myself for doing it. 

I am now deeply in love with an amazing new man. He is everything I prayed for – the whole deal. There is only one problem: He’s married. 

I knew he was married, but, Abby, the marriage was phony. The girl used him to become a legal U.S. citizen. She’s now back in her home country, apparently “married” and has a family with someone else, but my boyfriend is still married to her.

He keeps telling me how “full of myself” I am, and/or that I have nothing to worry about. But I’m not getting any younger, and this man IS truly my ideal man. I have tried giving him ultimatums, but we get into arguments that last for hours, and we end up in circles all over again. Help! – ANXIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANXIOUS: If the life you want includes marriage and children, by now you should realize your “ideal man” is not prepared to give you what you need. He’s using the “phony” marriage – if it even exists – to avoid making a commitment to you, and talking circles around you (filibustering!) so he can maintain the status quo.

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