DEAR ABBY: I have been communicating with this woman that I work with. She is currently seeing a guy she’s been with for about four years. We have a clear connection and primal attraction, and have both discussed our feelings with each other. We communicate by texting. There is no communication through phone calls, for obvious reasons. Her man works for the same company but in a different building than we do. It’s clear to me that he isn’t good enough for her and doesn’t know how to elevate himself to her level.

I let her know that if they were to break up, I would want to give it a try, and she said the same. She contacts me when she wants and flirts, but it’s always at her convenience and not mine. We have “known” each other for about a year and a half now, and she claims she cares for me. My question to you is, how should I move this situation forward?– THREE’S A CROWD IN NEW YORK

DEAR CROWD: Try to control your libido and allow me to offer a flash of insight. This woman likes things just the way they are. You may not think her boyfriend is good enough for her and can’t “elevate himself to her level,” but the woman you have placed on this pedestal is someone who enjoys sneaking behind the back of someone she’s been involved with for four years and discusses an exit strategy with a co-worker. Open your eyes. She’s not seriously interested in you. She’s enjoying a flirtation on her own terms, period. What makes you think you are the only one she does this with?


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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