DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 29 years, 25 of them married. We have had good times and bad, like most couples, but over the last four years, things have changed. We came to a place where we both needed to decide whether we wanted to continue in our marriage. We went to counseling, and I pursued my own personal growth, trying new things I was interested in and finding gratitude and happiness in my interests and career. My husband did the same thing.
Now I have moved past it, forgiven, told my husband I love him and hope he feels the same. You know what he said? He said he doesn’t know. He said he needs more time. Frankly, it has already been a long time, and it’s upsetting to have to wait for him to make up his mind.
If I become frustrated, he says I don’t have to stay and I’m free to do what I want. Trouble is, I want my husband, and I want him to want me back. What do I do? I take good care of myself and have a healthy sex drive. Sex happens rarely, and I end up being rejected more often than not. He also had an emotional affair with a woman he knows, but he thinks I made too much of it. That was about 18 months ago. Help, please.– UNCOUPLING IN CANADA
DEAR UNCOUPLING: Going off and being independent may have been the wrong path to take. Your husband appears to have disconnected from you, both physically and emotionally. When he went off and “tried things he was interested in,” among the things he tried may have been the woman with whom he had the affair.
If you continue waiting for your husband to make up his mind, you could be sitting in limbo for years. You take care of yourself, have a healthy sex drive and are entitled to a life. Now may be time to make one for yourself.