DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my husband has been having a four-year affair with a woman 24 years younger than I am. He met her at work. He tells me he loves her, but he loves me more. Abby, they actually thought I would agree to him taking her on as a second wife, but, of course, I refused. They no longer see each other, but communicate regularly by text. He misses her, she misses him, and I am deeply hurt, since nothing will ever be the same.
I am also devastated because of my husband’s four years of lies and deception. I didn’t suspect a thing and always loved him deeply. Can I get over this?– HURTING IN WASHINGTON
DEAR HURTING: If you are going to get past this -- notice I did not say “get over” -- it will take both cooperation from your husband and the services of a licensed marriage and family therapist.
You were lied to and betrayed, and it wasn’t a one-time mistake. That he and his paramour remain in touch indicates that while the physical affair may be over, their emotional affair is ongoing. For your marriage to be repaired and trust rebuilt, that too must end.
DEAR ABBY: We are part of a group of four couples who arrange to get together for dinners. One of the couples continually invites another couple at the last minute without checking with the rest of us.
We are hosting a dinner and planned it around the eight of us, only to find out this couple has invited another couple -- again! I explained to the woman that I don’t think it’s nice to invite additional people without first checking with the hosts, certainly not at 10 o’clock the night before, but they don’t want to leave the fifth couple out. This is the third time this has happened, and others have spoken to her about it to no avail. Please help!– UNINVITED IN DELAWARE
DEAR UNINVITED: What the woman is doing is beyond inconsiderate. The “way to handle it” would be to discuss it with the other group members and agree to disinvite this couple from your group. Three strikes and they’re out.